The Tossers National Anthem

By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side

I would've drunk a little less,

I would've tried to keep my head

If I'd known for just one second you'd

assault me in your bed

I tried to go

walk out the door

But you've been sitting on my legs and I

can't feel them anymore

And now you're sitting on my face

my nose has vanished - not a trace

I only hope that you're big knickers

aren't made of liquorice lace

I want to go,

I've got to leave

Before you're fat and naked body makes me want to heave

Only hope that no one saw me

walking home with such a slut

God the things that you get up to

when you're half cut

I can't believe

I'm lying here

It's all cos of that fucking evil drink

that we call beer

You can sod your beer goggles,

shit I must have been blind

To mistake that Hoover dam

for a sexy young behind

Please let me go,

I'm getting scared

There's nothing I can do to stop

those ugly breasts from being bared

I think that I must have been mad

God what made me want to court her

With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just

filled up with water

It's time to go,

run out the door

She's started

hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor

I don't think there's anything worse

Than the al-co-hol-lics curse

I WILL SURVIVE,

I WILL SURVIVE,

I WILL SURVIVE!!!!

To which the girls relpy.........

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side

I would've drunk a little less,

I would've tried to keep my head

If I'd known

for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed....

I tried to go,

walk out the door

But I laughed so hard at your small knob that

I've fallen on the floor

Your butts a pimply mess,

it's just a broken-out disgrace

But I'd rather look at that,

than at your fucking ugly face....!

I want to go,

I've got to leave

Your talk of chicks and football

really makes me want to heave

I only know I've got to stop my drinking

spirits and the beer

Cos when I looked at you last night,

you looked just like Richard Gere!

I can't believe, that we both shagged

You should be wearing concrete shoes or

simply bound and gagged

I'm fucking off right now,

I'm jumping in the fuckin' train

And I'm not stopping til I'm home and washed

your greeblies down the drain

Please let me go,

I feel quite sick

We had the worst sex in the world

and you're an ugly prick

I should have shagged your gorgeous mate,

at least he's got a lovely flat

But no I go

and trust the booze

and now I'm stuck with you, you twat

It's time to go,

run out the door

You look so ugly it should really be against the law

I'm going to give up all the booze,

I'm going to have no stupid fun

Coz waking up beside your mug,

just makes me want to be a nun

I WILL SURVIVE.......